The Drama Chef

Prose – Travel – Recipes

Tag: Love

Just propose Girls!

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I don’t understand the prevailing assumption that all women dream of the day someone finally proposes and know what their wedding dress will be from the age of 4. I don’t understand why the majority of women that do want to get married just sit around and wait for their partner to make the big move, hinting – at best – their wishes. Diamont rings, rose petals and champagne glasses, dinners at expensive restaurants, sunsets, kneeling down and violins playing, tears of happiness. Oh, the happiest day of our lives girls. Or is it?

Getting married is a huge, life-changing decision for both parties. The general admonition that the man is always the one that is responsible to make such a decision unilaterally, by posing in essence an ultimatum, is extremely unfair and sexistic. It hurts both men and women.

Society puts all the presure of “popping the question”  on men: they have to decide when to ask and how, they have to find a ring, it has to be romantic, if it’s too early she will be indimitated, if it’s taking too long she’ll think you don’t want her enough. In the meantime, women are only allowed a small role at the finale, in saying the big yes or the small no. Asking your partner to marry you if you are a woman will be seen as desparate, pushy, akward, shameful and vastly a no-go. In what it is supposed to be a union of equals, this seems rather like starting off on the wrong foot.

Don’t you feel the injustice? Because it burns me deep. We are supposed to sit around like prizes on our self, being nice and quiet and cute, not too overwelming, not to pasionate, mother figures before we even conceive. If we are good girls, if we just smile and wait, we’ll get the big prize: a ring on our finger, a white dress and the satisfaction of being a married woman. By the way, do you often hear the term married man used in the same way of marking social accomplishment? It even sounds a little funny, right? That’s because in the social arena, men are accomplished through their careers, through their achievements, through their individuality. On the contrary, a woman will only be good enough in the eyes of society if she gets married and breeds happy, healthy children. If she dares have a career, we will target her as an indifferent mother. If a woman does not marry, she’s a springster, a sad, lonely, hysterical creature that lost the train of reproduction. If a man does not marry, he is a bachelor and no matter his age he will be still eligible to find a partner/ have kinds/ avoid social seclusion.

Break the circle of injustice girls: just propose! If you feel that you really want to marry, don’t hint it, don’t push it, don’t just sit around and wait. Ask him first. If you are too indimitated to ask straightforwardly, if you don’t want to use the big ultimatum, do discuss your wishes like adults, like equals. Because you are, you must be. We are not talking prince charming and white horses and castles here, this is real life. And if you want to share yours with this specific person, you should be able to tell him you want to, without being afraid. This is going to be your life partner, for better and for worse and you should be open and honest to each other, if you want this to really work.

I know it’s difficult, I know it’s stressful, I know it may feel weird. Because I have done it too. And we agreed that if and when we decide to marry, it will be a mutual, equal, adult decision. But if I decide to propose first, out of the blue, he asked me for a diamond ring and a bouquet of red roses. For real. 😛

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Erica’s Lemon Pancakes

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part I is here: Erica’s Strawberry-Vanilla Jam

She was working as a translator. Grew up in France, then moved to Spain, then Germany, now Scotland. Never met her father, her mother here and there, they don’t talk anymore. Her teeth didn’t show when she smiled. She had 7 beauty spots on her right shoulder and 3 on her left palm. She hated dogs and loved lemon pancakes.

She talked to me. She really talked to me like if I was an adult, for the first time in my life. She gave me books and CDs, she chose the movies we watched. I was holding her hand in the dark, she was grabbing my ass in the elevator. It was too good to last.

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In all colours memoriam

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All men are equal, but some men are more equal than others.

I reach for his hand, I hold it tight in mine. He turns to me and smiles, the same old smile full of tenderness. I want to carress his cheeck, I want to kiss his lips. But I don’t. Holding his hand is enough. Smiling to him is enough. Let’s not push this.

The toughest part is when I haven’t seen him for a while. Waiting at the airport arrivals, twisting my umbrella in my hands. He comes out, I wanna jump and kiss him, I wanna hug him tight, I wanna tell him how much I love him, how I missed him. I bite my lips hard, I bleed. We shake hands speechless instead. In the tram, my shoulder trembles when I touch his.

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Chocolate Hazelnut Love Cake

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A cake full of chocolate and hazelnuts (and loooove!) in all possible ways. Chocolate powder and grated hazelnuts, mixed with vanilla and buttermilk, make this cake incredibly rich but in still tender and light. The dark chocolate glaze adds another dimension of chocolate depth. The hazelnuts on top add the crunch and some character. A cake you will love, forever and ever. Till your diet do you part.

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The Valentine’s Titanic

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It was a pact. They would never celebrate this bulshit, materialistic, commercialised – give me my roses, another red balloon, oh and some chocolate – holiday. Simply ridiculous. They have been two years together, a long-distance – one weekend every month – Christmas with own families, kind of relationship.

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