The Drama Chef

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Tag: sexism

Just propose Girls!

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I don’t understand the prevailing assumption that all women dream of the day someone finally proposes and know what their wedding dress will be from the age of 4. I don’t understand why the majority of women that do want to get married just sit around and wait for their partner to make the big move, hinting – at best – their wishes. Diamont rings, rose petals and champagne glasses, dinners at expensive restaurants, sunsets, kneeling down and violins playing, tears of happiness. Oh, the happiest day of our lives girls. Or is it?

Getting married is a huge, life-changing decision for both parties. The general admonition that the man is always the one that is responsible to make such a decision unilaterally, by posing in essence an ultimatum, is extremely unfair and sexistic. It hurts both men and women.

Society puts all the presure of “popping the question”  on men: they have to decide when to ask and how, they have to find a ring, it has to be romantic, if it’s too early she will be indimitated, if it’s taking too long she’ll think you don’t want her enough. In the meantime, women are only allowed a small role at the finale, in saying the big yes or the small no. Asking your partner to marry you if you are a woman will be seen as desparate, pushy, akward, shameful and vastly a no-go. In what it is supposed to be a union of equals, this seems rather like starting off on the wrong foot.

Don’t you feel the injustice? Because it burns me deep. We are supposed to sit around like prizes on our self, being nice and quiet and cute, not too overwelming, not to pasionate, mother figures before we even conceive. If we are good girls, if we just smile and wait, we’ll get the big prize: a ring on our finger, a white dress and the satisfaction of being a married woman. By the way, do you often hear the term married man used in the same way of marking social accomplishment? It even sounds a little funny, right? That’s because in the social arena, men are accomplished through their careers, through their achievements, through their individuality. On the contrary, a woman will only be good enough in the eyes of society if she gets married and breeds happy, healthy children. If she dares have a career, we will target her as an indifferent mother. If a woman does not marry, she’s a springster, a sad, lonely, hysterical creature that lost the train of reproduction. If a man does not marry, he is a bachelor and no matter his age he will be still eligible to find a partner/ have kinds/ avoid social seclusion.

Break the circle of injustice girls: just propose!

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Women’s Kumquat & Lemon Cake

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You live in the western world, in a highly privileged country of Central Europe. Economy is doing great, transportation is excellent, it is safe, it is pretty. You are a white, highly educated woman. You are employed. You have great carreer prospects, possibly a bright future ahead of you. But.

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Do you have a long-term relationship or are you one of these polygamic monsters? Or even worse, are you homosexual? Are you older than thirty and still unmarried? Oh poor thing, your boyfriend just won’t propose, will he? If you’ve been married for some time, why don’t you have children yet? If you have one child, why don’t you have another – don’t you know only children are lonely and miserable? Do you cook and prepare snacks for your familly? Don’t you know their health depends on you? Oh my God, you look so tired today, why aren’t you wearing make-up? When was the last time you got a manicure, you should not neglect your looks like that. Why do you care so much for your carreer, a woman’s destination is to have kids. Have you put on weight?

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If you are ambitious and hard-working, you are a bossy cold-hearted bitch. Women should be tender and sweet and understanding. You should always give up your wishes and dreams, you should not complain, you should not exagerate. Honey, that’s just not what good girls do. Yes, your male colleagues are much better paid than you for the same job. You should be thankful you even have a job, you should be thankful you can vote. So what if your boss made a sexistic comment on your clothes, what if one of your co-workers just won’t stop harassing you until you go out with him. A woman’s no can be a no, it is a maybe. Come on now, you know you want it, you wouldn’t wear these slutty clothes if you didn’t. You had it coming. Why are you screaming like that, are you a hysterical feminist? When was the last time you had sex, that should calm you down, that should shut you up! Shut up, shut up!

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How many of these lines have you heard yourself? How many of these things have you told other women, or have you thougth of? Take a moment to think today, take a moment to censor yourself and your words before you attack a woman next time. Take a moment to talk to the men and women in your life about sexism, discrimination, inequality, solidarity. Read and think and read again. Protect yourself, protect other women. Help and support and stand by each other. And let’s have some cake now, not to leave you with a bitter taste in your mouth.

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